Where The Diamonds Aren't

Every morning I want to shoot my radio when I hear the diamond jewelry ads. They're everywhere. They make me switch stations faster than a Cal Thomas commentary on WTOP. They remind me to tell my sons never to marry girls who seriously think it's important to get a diamond engagement ring, let alone one that costs anyone a month's salary. They remind me to tell my daughter that diamonds are bad luck for a marriage and a waste of money and, by the way, large weddings are sooooooo vulgar. They make me want to reach out and slap someone. Please, Lord, make it stop. Make the holiday selling frenzy end.

With that public service announcement out of the way, I move on to better things, like Federal Ronin being home on leave from Embassy Baghdad. Ambassador Crocker, General Petreus, please step aside and give the reins to Federal Ronin. Your jobs would be so much easier if you would please just do what she says. I'm telling you, peace in the Middle East could be achieved in our lifetime if you just put this woman in charge.

In other news, it appears that someone named Aleksey Kozuliev is writing novels in Russia. I think he used to work for me. Damn it, why is everyone so much more focused than I am?