Dinosaur Baby Mama

I am inspired by news of l2saint's pregnancy to provide tips on parenting babies and toddlers.

The bad news is that being a parent of a baby or toddler is difficult in the sense that it is exhausting, tedious, and (if "scatological" is not your idea of a selling point) downright gross. In the short term, it is less rewarding than training a puppy, since the puppy can already walk and eat food and will be able to reliably respond to voice commands - and poop where and when he's supposed to - within months.

The good news is, in no particular order of significance:

• Baby butts, baby mouths, baby feet, baby thighs.
• Baby smell (the smell of the child itself, not its effluvia and excrement).
• The fact that you or spouse is terrified of the baby/toddler does not mean you are a bad parent.
• You might like breast-feeding. If you don't, there's formula in the world. Your kid will be fine either way.
• The baby at about 3-4 months will stop falling for the "throwing a pretend ball" trick that will continue to confound the puppy for months or years to come. It's a good feeling when you realize that you have birthed a sentient human being.
• If you put the screaming baby in the crib and walk away for a while, nothing bad will happen to the baby.
• You can start toilet training at two and your kid will be reliably trained at 3-1/4 years, or you can start at three and achieve the same result.
• Battery-powered baby swings.
• Baby wipes.
• Peek-A-Boo.
• You can't break them by changing their clothes.
• They eventually turn into children who can buckle their own seat belts and answer the telephone.